This was my attempt at making fun at my job. My gossip column. I only did it once because I was afraid people would recognize themselves and I'd get in trouble!
Justice?!
The month started out quite exciting with a trial on September 3, State of Utah vs. B. P. B. was charged with speeding on Telegraph road (which he DID NOT DO!!! He is a respected, retired Grandpa, he doesn't HAVE TO BE ANYWHERE in a hurry!!!). He spent 40 minutes slandering Officer Kiwi’s good name before he was found guilty.
He even was successful in ruffling the feathers of our substitute prosecutor who told the defendant he didn’t feel bad about “wasting” his time as it was HIS fault we were all here in the first place. If he would obey the speed limit and /or pay his violations once caught we could have avoided this whole fiasco. The prosecutor later apologized to the judge for losing his cool.
B.P. was not sentenced as he was going to file an appeal. (You call this justice???) His 30 days has run and no appeal has been filed. He will be summoned back to court this month for a sentencing date.
The mayor's wayward nephew NC plead not guilty to Disorderly Conduct and the case was dismissed. Hmmm... That isn't the first time that's happened. He did however get into a little fender bender later in the month. He came in and plead not guilty to that also. I'll let you know how that turns out in January.
We had a lesbian couple come in on a domestic assault. Poor “Lara” was called HE by the judge for the entire preceding. Finally I pointed out to him that HE was a SHE. Talk about 3 shades of red... Lara was ok with it though, I think she's the man in her domestic relationship.
I'm learning that age doesn't change your desire for the good things of life. A 61 year old female was convicted of committing theft and charged $555 fine. She stole...CD's.
SS came in for a trial on her dog at large. Of course she blamed it on Marilyn Wallis - their dogs look similar so it must have been Marilyn's dog that was out. She was found NOT GUILTY as their was some question as to if it was really her dog. Poor Sherman.
RP was charged with criminal mischief after he beat a van’s windows in with a baseball bat. He was charged $300 and ordered to write a note of apology to the victim. The $300 was paid and the most sarcastic note came back stating that the victim was his best friend and that the victim and R should go out to dinner sometime, the victim could pay. Poor R had to get summonsed into court and explain what he was thinking when he wrote that note. R came in with his tail between is legs and wiped his brow clean when no further jail time was ordered.
And finally, I could go on, but...If you want a good sentence, 95 pounds, blond and pretty doesn’t hurt. The judge came up with a diversion agreement Tuesday after willowy JP plead guilty to driving on a suspended driver license. By entering the diversion agreement the driver license will not have to know she drove on a suspended dl which would suspend her license 2 months further. In addition she will only have to pay $100 of a $300 fine. And poor fat ugly brown haired C.B., she got no diversion agreement and a $300 fine for the same charge of driving on suspended dl. Humph. I’ll have to lose some weight and color my hair before I go before the judge.
Well that wraps up this months gossip column.
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