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08/08/86 Vendredi (Friday) Bad attitude

Ca Va, pas!
Today the people from church called.  I probably can have a ride only this Sunday we'll be in Honfleur.  I am so upset I'm going crazy.  They think I'm rude here because I don't smile all the time and get thrills from posting pictures together or stealing things.  I don't understand why I was sent here.  What did I do that was so wrong.  I want to go home so bad but I know I'd never forgive myself if I did.

Only 18 more days.  The sad part is that I know there must be some nice normal French people somewhere.  I'm getting an awful feeling for the French people as a whole.

Finished reading my English books today. I feel awful because the more I get to know them the more I dislike them.  It is so awful living with someone you don't care about what happens to them.

Tonya called.  I burst out in tears again.  She said her host mom says I can come stay for 4 days or whatever.  Only thing we gotta work out is Colette and the train.

She was gonna call at 9:30 and she did only Colette didn't answer the phone.  Now I won't know until tomorrow.

I keep getting massive headaches from all the tension here.  I hate it.  I really would go home if I wasn't so stupid.  I just have to finish this.  I keep eating like a pig. I'm going to be so far. I hate me.  I hate everything.

But I really don't.  I just want to be on the other side of the world.  I love people and they love me back.  I'm so glad Tonya is my friend or I'd never make it.  Gotta go watch some movies. Bye now.

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