08/08/86 Vendredi (Friday) Bad attitude

Ca Va, pas!
Today the people from church called. I probably can have a ride only this Sunday we'll be in Honfleur. I am so upset I'm going crazy. They think I'm rude here because I don't smile all the time and get thrills from posting pictures together or stealing things. I don't understand why I was sent here. What did I do that was so wrong. I want to go home so bad but I know I'd never forgive myself if I did.

Only 18 more days. The sad part is that I know there must be some nice normal French people somewhere. I'm getting an awful feeling for the French people as a whole.

Finished reading my English books today. I feel awful because the more I get to know them the more I dislike them. It is so awful living with someone you don't care about what happens to them.

Tonya called. I burst out in tears again. She said her host mom says I can come stay for 4 days or whatever. Only thing we gotta work out is Colette and the train.

She was gonna call at 9:30 and she did only Colette didn't answer the phone. Now I won't know until tomorrow.

I keep getting massive headaches from all the tension here. I hate it. I really would go home if I wasn't so stupid. I just have to finish this. I keep eating like a pig. I'm going to be so far. I hate me. I hate everything.

But I really don't. I just want to be on the other side of the world. I love people and they love me back. I'm so glad Tonya is my friend or I'd never make it. Gotta go watch some movies. Bye now.

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