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07/25/86 Vendredi (Friday) Missing home

I think this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life.  Leaving everything that I really loved for something I had no idea what it would be like.  I think before I left I was one of the happiest people in the world.  Everything was going my way.  I'm not totally unhappy now but I miss not being totally happy.  I miss not being about to get up early and see my friends.  I miss working and marching and driving and freedom and talking and understanding and Joe.  Especially Joe.  Even though I wouldn't have him even if I was home. I am feeling sort of locked up inside myself.  I'm becoming a book work again.  Escaping reality by constant studying. 

I think it is good because I do have lots of work to do but bad because I'm withdrawing from life.  It is so hard not to be able to explain what you want or need or anything and not being able to understand what others expect of you.  I think the next month will be more difficult than the first because I've already discovered the patters and everything isn't new and exciting anymore.  I hope I'm wrong, I really do. 

After lunch Decide came back and then these 2 guys came over and then Isabella - I met her before - until 4 or so.  Everybody sat around talking and then isabella asked if I would like to go shopping with her.  She is 20 and very nice. After shopping we listened to music at her house (which is only about 1/2 or 1K away) maybe another time we will listen to music because it is getting late.  Maybe I have a friend here afterall!

Decide and I will probably stay up until 1 watching TV and talking again because another great film is on tonight!

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