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07/27/86 Diamanche (Sunday) Struggling

Today I got up and ate at 9:30.  Colette told me she was going to church so I hurried in a little less than 20 minutes.  I hurried down the stairs just in time to see Colette leave.  Once again, no chruch.  I could just cry.  I got Beccas letter and it said all about everything at church and I want to go so bad.  Why is this so hard?

I am so upset.  I keep eating and eating and I'm going ruin everything.  I worked so hard to lose weight and being here is making me fat.  I'm going to forget how to play piano and flut and I'm never gonna be able to stand and march for 3 hours.  I WANT TO GO HOME!!!Why is this so hard? Why? It as supposed to be fun wasn't it?No - just 'the experience of a lifetime'.  I guess it is definately that.  I hope I never have to do anything like this again.  it wouldn't be so bad with friends.  I'd probably be really great.

I did cry, for over an hour. I walked through the country crying.  Steven the lawyer I met my first Sunday asked if I wanted a ride but silly me said no.  Maybe he wants to be my friend.  After I came home I cried again. I just felt miserable today.  Then I slept a little.  Then I finally pulled myself together so I could be sociable with Colette and Decide.

About 10 while we were eating Jeanette Berry called and we talked for 10 minutes. I managed to stay together and she called my mom.  That's when I fell apart again.  We talked for 1/2 hour.  I wish she wasn't so worried.  I can usually handle myself.  Now I've got the mission home #.  I sure hope I can get to church soon. And meet people.  And stop crying.  This week has been really awful.  I sure home going to Normandy and Holland and Belgium are better than this!  Mom said she is going to send recipes and cross stitch which should arrive Saturday.  Late now, after 1 a.m.

Bon Soir
Bon Nuit
Dormi Bien

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