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07/22/86 Mardi (Tuesday) Letters from home

I didn't go anywhere but shopping today.  I didn't want to.

As I was eating Collete handed me 3 letters.  I was so happy!  One from Grams and Gramps, Rob and Linda.

Well I opened Linda's first because I knew what the others said.  Inside Lindas was a note from Joe.  Before I read Linda's I opened Joes. It was real short but it said everything I needed to hear.  I cried all day today. He said he loves me - I love him too.  I think I have been trying to ignore my feelings but I can't.  I really love him.  Of course we couldn't ever have a life together unless he cahnged but maybe that is possible.  I wrote him back that I love him and perhaps if some things changed we could be together again.

Also filled him in on life here.

I also wrote Rob that he should forget me -  I can't keep pretending - not pretending but I can never love him the way I love Joe. I think he'll be upset but I have to get all this straightened out before I get back. 

I sent off 3 letter today and then wrote 4 more.  Now I've got to go to the post office again.  But these don't need mailed immediately.

My stomach is still messed up.  I fed my hamburg to the dogs.  They are good for something.  Maybe it is just because I've been upset.  I don't know.

I sure wish Decide was here to talk to.

I've got to get out of this awful depression.  It is really making me homesick.  Although going home wouldn't get me to Joe anyway.

Maybe I'm just stupid for loving him - 4 years ia a very long time!  Can it last so long?

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